Here’s a bit of career coaching on what really matters from an unlikely source: my 101 year old grandmother in law…
Over the past couple weeks I have been on vacation in Hawaii visiting my wife’s family. (Yes, having in-laws in Hawaii and living in San Diego is tough.)
One of the real blessings of being there is having a bit of time to spend with my wife’s grandmother Jane.
Jane is 101 years old, which means she was around for the early days of flight, World War 1 & 2, the first man on the moon and every other milestone up to the present. Her memory is still sharp, though after all this time she certainly doesn’t remember all the details.
Now to be honest, I didn’t ask her for any career coaching, but I did ask for her perspective on a few items. A couple things struck me about our conversations.
Her career mattered to her
In talking about all that had happened in her life, she spent a fair amount of time talking about her career. There were regrets around opportunities not pursued, and pride around certain roles held.
I might have expected more of this to have faded into the background, but it hadn’t.
This was in contrast to a bit of career coaching I got a few years ago from a (relatively) young octogenarian who had a highly successful business career as a turnaround specialist. My favorite comment from him was:
“Then I worked at this firm for 5 years and turned it around… what was the name of it?… what was it?… Anyway, I don’t remember…”
My takeaway from that was that I really shouldn’t take my career so seriously; I probably wouldn’t remember the name of some of the companies I worked at when I hit his age.
In talking with Grandma Jane, I came to a different conclusion:
Certain jobs matter more than others
Jane has now been retired longer than she has been employed, yet she still took tremendous pride in working at a small private high school where she had been a secretary well over 60 years ago.
She held that job for only 6 years before administrative changes forced her to move on to a different school where she would spend the next 30 years. We didn’t talk much about that school.
Yet this small private school, known as Mid-Pacific, was important enough to her for her to take us on a small drive around the campus while she pointed out the various offices where she worked, places she spent time with friends, etc. (my wife drove the car).
What is the piece of career coaching wisdom in this? I think it is that there are certain places we work where we are treated well, where we are aligned with the mission of the institution, and where we feel respected and appreciated… and it is those organizations that are special and worth being a part of.
A Long time is relative
I’ve written career coaching articles in the past about when to change roles, describing reasons for moving on as you are in the 3-8 year range with a firm (see Career Coaching: When is it time to change jobs?).
In the context of a career that could easily span 40-60 years, a few years in the wrong role may not be such a big deal. I’ve seen people who love what they do work well into their 80s… the point is that a bit of time in the wrong role isn’t such a big deal if it helps you move closer to the right role.
What really matters
Financial issues came up in our conversations, but never the desire for more income. Financial topics were more about hurdles to be overcome at challenging times (remember, she was around for the Great Depression too), but not more than that.
The blessings that she counted were about friends and family well cherished. Regrets were about places where a bit more effort could have made certain relationships better. Her joy was in the people that she loved and that loved her today.
Give back
For something like 30 years Grandma Jane volunteered at her church every Friday making meals for people less fortunate. This gave her a sense of community, purpose and meaning in her retirement years. She only stopped recently as she lost her independence.
If I had to summarize Grandma Jane’s career coaching lessons I think it would go something like this:
- Work at a place where you are treated well, respected, and where you feel you can make a difference in the world.
- If you find that place, stay put and enjoy it.
- Invest in relationships with family and friends, as they are the most valuable assets you have.
- Time goes by very, very quickly. A year is but a moment in your life.
What does this mean for you? Perhaps it is time to stop and appreciate where you are rather than thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. Perhaps it is time to move on rather than spend more time in a role that isn’t the right one.
The lessons for your career may be a bit blurry, but the lesson for life is crystal clear: spend time cultivating relationships. After 101 years, they are what really matter.