Spend enough time in Corporate America and you will encounter a career crisis or two. Here is a bit of executive coaching on how to survive when a career crisis hits you.
STRATEGY #1: Determine if it is really a career crisis
The first thing you absolutely must determine in a moment of career crisis is whether or not it is an actual career crisis. I say this because most of us have a tendency to spin ourselves up worrying before we know if something is actually a problem.
As the quotes below demonstrate, this has been a issue for a long, long time…
“I Am an Old Man and Have Known a Great Many Troubles, But Most of Them Never Happened”
–Mark Twain
“There is nothing so wretched or foolish as to anticipate misfortunes. What madness it is in your expecting evil before it arrives!”
Seneca—Epistolae Ad Lucilium. XCVIII.
I begin with these quotes because so often what initially appears to be a career crisis actually isn’t. Now, I’ll get to how to deal with an actual crisis in a moment, but let me spend a moment on what I’m talking about here.
We as humans have brains that are wired to assign meaning to the events around us. We struggle tremendously with the idea that things may happen randomly or for reasons we don’t understand. Thus, we try to fill the void of knowledge with speculation that fits what we believe to be a reasonable story.
Take this very simple example: Imagine you have worked hard to get a meeting with the CEO of a company you hope will become a client. Two days before you sent a note with an updated agenda and supporting materials and you got no response.
Now you are at the security desk in the building the client resides in. They don’t have your name on file as a guest. A call to the CEO’s assistant goes unanswered. What is going on? Is it…
- The CEO didn’t like your note, removed you from the guest list and the meeting is off. He never wants to hear from you again.
- The meeting wasn’t important to the CEO so he has blown it off for something else.
- The CEO’s admin didn’t like you and never put the meeting on the calendar but told you there was a meeting to waste your time.
- The CEO’s admin is currently in the elevator on the way to greet you personally.
- The CEO’s admin had a family emergency and is home today and didn’t get to these details.
As you can see from the examples above, there is no way to know which of these is true based on the data you have.
If you tell yourself story #1, #2 or #3 you are likely to feel angry, upset and frustrated as you wait at the desk. If you tell yourself story #4 you are likely to feel confident and valued, and if you tell yourself story #5 you are likely to feel compassionate.
The point is that you have no idea which story (if any) is true, yet your explanatory choice has a huge impact on how you feel.
I bring this up because often what we think is a crisis isn’t one yet, but we spend a lot of time worrying that it may become one unnecessarily.
Thus, taking a moment to reflect on the facts you have, and identifying multiple plausible scenarios is an important first step in the process.
Why?
- It calms you down because you realize that good and bad outcomes are possible
- It keeps you from drawing inaccurate conclusions and acting hastily in the moment
Okay, so let’s say that it is actually a bit of a career crisis. Extending the example above, imagine that story #1 is actually the truth. In fact, when you get back to your office the CEO of your firm is irate because he heard from the other CEO just how amazingly infuriating your note was.
Now things have turned bad. Time for some damage control for this career crisis…
Generally speaking, there are two strategies worth considering adopting.
STRATEGY #2: React calmly
The first strategy is not being reactive. I find that this is the absolutely best strategy in almost all such situations. In fact, I would nearly always start with this strategy first. In being calm, use questions to make your points so that you seem less argumentative and more as if you are seeking to understand the situation.
I find that asking questions means that you are far less likely to get engaged in a conversation where two people won’t budge off their positions.
If that approach doesn’t diffuse the situation and you feel like you are being put through the ringer, get angry. Yes, you heard me, get angry rather than remorseful.
STRATEGY #3: Get angry not apologetic
Why?
Research from Jeffrey Pfeiffer of Stanford suggests in his book Power that
“Observers watching people who don’t deny or run away from their actions naturally presume that the perpetrators don’t feel guilty or ashamed, so maybe no one should be too upset.”
And that…
“expressing anger is usually much more effective than expressing sadness, guilt, or remorse in being seen as powerful.”
In other words, in the scenario above, expressing that you are angry that the other CEO was offended because you thought that was exactly what he wanted may go a long way relative to a contrite approach.
(Note that the anger is not directed at your CEO but at the other CEO’s interpretation of your intent.)
Finally, in this scenario imagine that your CEO does come at you with guns blazing, you express your anger at the other CEO’s reaction and explain the reasons for your decision… you still need to make sure you provide resolution.
STRATEGY #4: Preserve the relationship
Wrap up with what you can do to preserve the relationship with the other CEO and move things forward.
At the end of the day a career crisis is all about relationship management. If you can maintain the critical relationships (especially with your boss), things are going to go well.
In summary, what do you need to do to survive a career crisis:
- Make sure it is actually a crisis. See if there are other conclusions that can be drawn from the facts you have.
- React calmly and ask questions to gain an understanding
- When backed into a corner, get angry while defending decisions you believe are right
- Look for the opportunity to preserve the relationships that matter
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